


Meta - Story Development for Draws "Shadowplay"

by syredronning



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 04:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21350497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syredronning/pseuds/syredronning
Summary: Story Development for Draws "Shadowplay" https://archiveofourown.org/works/131397 - my planning notes.For a general meta on fixing long, complicated stories, see https://archiveofourown.org/works/21451804.
Kudos: 2





	Meta - Story Development for Draws "Shadowplay"

I felt right after declaring the story "done" for the first time, that something was amiss. That was the point when I started to read various books on drama writing.

After the very helpful feedback of my first reader [personal profile] merisunshine36, who especially highlighted the weak/underdeveloped antagonists, I wrote the story analysis below, using exercises from The Dramatic Writer's Companion.

Core idea of it all: If the main character is too inactive or the plot stagnating, the antagonist(s) are too weak. In that case, the stakes have to be raised and conflict needs to be intensified.

With that in mind, the chapter "Heating up things" was a great help, with points like "Problem that can't be ignored", "The locked cage: No one can leave now", "A ticking clock", "A provoking quality: You shouldn't be this way", "The unforgivable sin: You should never do this". Lots of classic tools at hand to fiddle with the conflict between Pike and various people around him.

Am I happy with the story? Partly. It's the longest story in the longest series I ever wrote, and I definitely hit all my limits with it. My tools aren't adequate to tackle the management (and boy, I thought this was fannish relaxation and not turning into a side business) and the 83K are a pain in the ass to revise and edit. On the other hand, I have never been so motivated to deal with drama structure and analysis and I hope that it will do me some good in the future - although I still prefer to let my brain come up with the story scenes without imposing too much structure on it from the beginning.

\--- Story Analysis ---

Event that starts the story (in the prequel)

Kirk, McCoy, Pike, Dael all enter each other as partners and out the foursome to Starfleet.

Effects:

Nogura alienated: Was never too happy with the relationship between Pike and Dael, is now even more concerned about the foursome that could damage Pike's and Kirk's career. Wonders if supporting Pike was the right decision.

Esteban alienated: A friend of him had an affair with Kirk that didn't end well, and Esteban thinks Kirk is guilty but denied responsibility. Therefore concerned for Dael.

Pike more invested in his relationship, especially regarding Dael and Leonard.  
\- Keeps more of an eye on Dael.  
\- Is willing to disregard his work in exchange to spending more time with her.  
\- Is willing to go emotionally deeper with Leonard.  
\- Is willing to think about the farm and the children idea. (Esteban evening)

Obstacles:  
Internal: Never really trusts the happiness with Dael, assumes it will not last forever.  
Internal: His health problems intensify again but he avoids SFM because he might get checked intensively in the way that he finds most stressful (tied to a table).  
Internal: His tendency to fight his fights alone make him an easy target. Strong depression.  
Internal: His need for sex and companionship makes him vulnerable.

External: Dael's mission with Intelligence makes him extremely unhappy, both as obstacle for his goal as a reminder of what moved John and him apart.  
External: Nogura and Esteban critical of his personal choices; will eventually become a problem for the task force.  
External: McAllister becoming adversary when he sees Nogura's opinion change.  
External: Jim and Leonard are on the Enterprise, no chance of quickly coming back.

Pike's Development:  
\---

Act 1: Wants personal happiness. Opens more up emotionally: stands by Dael, Kirk, Leonard against everyone; supports a queer party and strongly outs himself in the process.  
In between crisis (personal): Dael chooses to go on the Intel mission.  
In between crisis (work): Shaa taking over ship operations. Change of pace in the admiralty.  
End point: Dael leaves.

Antagonists:  
Nogura (low): society's moral, keeping up appearance  
Esteban (medium: personal): experience with Kirk, critical of Pike's changes  
Admiralty (medium): rumors running out of control  
Ole (low): doesn't agree with Pike's business decisions

Allies:  
Dael (strong) but on her way to her mission.  
Farnham & Eric (medium): for sex and fun  
Kirk & McCoy (medium) but physically distant  
Arissa (low)

General feeling: Rocky ride but under control; socializing works more or less;  
foreboding moments.

\---

Act 2: Pursues his goal of a happy living despite being alone.  
In between crisis (personal): Kind-of-fallout with McCoy. Dael prolonging her mission.  
In between crisis (work): Fallout with Esteban, fallout with Nogura  
End point: Alain drugs him.

Antagonists:  
Absence: of Dael, Kirk and McCoy.  
Nogura (passive/not looking): Assumes the task force works; has little patience for Pike anymore because he dislikes the press outcomes; prefers to interact with Shaa and deal with other pressing problems.  
Esteban (aggressive): Once he thinks Pike is really amoral, he's very antagonistic.  
McAllister (strong, active, in the background): Wants Pike's job. Pulls various strings at Starfleet to slowly erode Pike's determination. Gangs up with Esteban, keeps Nogura out of the loop.  
Alain (unwilling friendly foe): After the really unplanned first contact with Pike, is pressured by McAllister to hook up with Pike and drug him, so that Pike appears incompetent and unreliable. Should bring Pike to resign without making it too obvious.

Pike's own brain: fails more and more (drugs) – unreliable narrator; avoidance; depression; the feeling of not being master of his own fate.

Allies:  
Asimov (low, distant): Unsure what Pike wants from him (including something sexual); opinionated about Dael; relationship improves over time.  
Farnham & Eric (medium): Friendship with Eric okay; Farnham alienated over Alain.  
Kirk & McCoy (distant, then problematic)  
Ash: Interesting, but one-time.

General feeling: Everything going downhill; increasing loss of control; all foreboding finds expression in crisis.

\---  
Act 3: Reaches his goal of happy living by stepping back and removing himself from everyone who is adversary to his happiness.  
In between crisis (personal): Allows Dael back into his life.  
End point: Leonard joins him.

Antagonists: Reality outside.

Allies: All his friends but he doesn't want to know/accept that.

Pike leaves many unsolved puzzles for the others.

General feeling: Dreamlike; unclear, what is real; avoidance of any serious subject and decision. Irresponsibility. A solution that is too good to be true.


End file.
